My Handicap

I feel myself arrested by the chains of time. The ones who cross your path once, not necessarily stay forever. No matter how hard you try to steal them from destiny, it will always play its games. And midst these tantrums, stuck my soul. Acquaintance with fate is no more an acquaintance now. Very well do I understand it’s harshness. Somehow, I had always managed to withstand it’s shackles. But this time it feels as if it has arrested my soul once and forever. The heart seems stuck in an electric lift, falling down deep at an exponential pace. My fear is playing- ‘hide-and-seek’ with my innocence.

Does it hide in my mind?

My heart?

My soul?

Where?

Which cell to search?

Eh.?

Helpless eyes know nothing, but to shed some tears. This time scarcity found a new place to take a shelter in.

Scarcity in eyes? Strange? Yes!

Even the tears seem to get offended. The very thought of losing them blurs my vision as the leaking of the poison spreads all over my cells. The kid inside me is crying badly, but little does he know that his voice is the slave of his autism. No matter how high he raises the shrillness, the frequency, the pitch or the altitude, it won’t go past the flesh. It seems to have robbed me of my entire strength. A stiffness in muscles and a pain in the limbs refuse to stay away from adding on to the anxiety. Meeting them was a beginning of the magical fantasy indeed.

A fiction I read few days back, spoke exactly what I am going through today. Every word, every sentence, every paragraph then, seems to have joined hands with every single second, minute and hour of  my time today.

Ever heard of a fiction becoming the truth?0c060143131a7738421ed0bf4a4505bd

Well, that happened to me. So I name it a magic, for magic is a synonym for belief and faith as an optimist views it.

And I do believe in magic.

I seriously do!

The span seems to end now and my soul is still stuck there. It refuses to come out. Somewhere fantasy has arrested it.

What do I do?

I find a simile to the clock that struck twelve and the magic spell was no more for Cinderella. The third bell of midnight hears banging my ears at the peak of altitude.

TOLL…!

TOLL…!

TOLL…!

And the magical spell seems shattered into syllables with those few noble and the finest souls I met, going far from me forever. Yes! It’s no less than a fairy tale, as I name it.

And guess what?!

As I recited it to a friend of mine, the reply that came from the other side was-

“It’s life bro! Stop getting upset at such things. People will come and go. It will take time, but worry not, time is the biggest healer as they say it.”

Correct in one way!

But,

How do I ever explain them; they are no people I am losing, but the magic that will be lost, the angels who will be lost, the fantasy I will lose, an era that will be lost.

The particles of a golden sand slip off my fingers.

I know that. I can feel the slip. I can hear the slip. I can see the slip.

But,

What do I do?

I’m handicapped.475a6ce6aef1ba5f72e672ac841dcaa1

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Sweet Childhood Memories

” Papa , look the moon is smiling today ! “6eb412a2c65e228e3947ee705ce5fc0c

That tenderness of a cute naughty smile slowly gradually turning into a loud beautiful laughter melodious to the ears reminds me of my childhood . When a morning would start with beautiful sun rays and Ma’s gentle soft hand on the face tapping to get up and sit in her lap . Her soft voice telling me to look at the chirping birds and the beautiful morning sky . Those blue hued clouds seemed to take different shapes as that of a teddy , a smiley , a bird and so many imaginary things . She use to get me ready , make me eat delicious food , with every single bite of it slowly melting into the mouth and giving the best taste up to the zenith . It was the time of no worries , time when I was not familiar with the word named Rat Race ( in which everybody was mad running the race for money ) . Every single glance seemed happy , and the whole day was all about running randomly in the house playing , searching for something or the other unknown . Curiosity was such ! Evenings were all about looking at the small birds sitting on the street wires .4515cdcd14b2ac31a0b23636a176092b One hopping up the wire and other the down . As in the chorus state of mind , I expected the latter to hop up again it suddenly flew ! Then Papa’s call use to drew the attention .

” Come pick your ball up , let’s go to the park ! ” .9b7e6a150b21e70301ac2b632638b82b

This was something that use to bring a wide smile to my face with a lot of excitement inside !  The time was such that even the immense struggle to lift up my small leg and hit the ball hard so that it could reach Pa’s feet gave a feeling of an accomplishment . And then last but not least was plucking off the beautiful flowers from the garden to adore the pot in my room . Returning home bidding the orange sun goodbye while he use to go home gave the feeling of departure of a dear one ! Although sometimes at 6 , sometimes at 7 and sometimes at 5 . This always use to be a big confusion !(laughs) .

” Papa why does the sun not go at one fixed time everyday !? Sometimes I miss saying him goodbye ! ”

. Returning home after few hours of playing football gave the feeling of returning from hectic work as Pa use to (laughs) . Dinner kept ready on the table use to make my mouth watery . Again every single bite melting gently into the mouth was the best feeling ever . No rush ! No worries ! No hustle ! No bustle !

Just a cute smile . . . And an innocent laughter it was .  The so called cunning ‘ TIME ‘ used to be a friend of mine !

Neither the days were hectic , nor the nights were sleepless . 85e16941de83aa5f60f5d2ec1cf959e6A brisk walk with mom and dad , both tall enough and me the small one between the two holding the hand of both one time jumping the left leg up following the right leg and the other the vice-versa use to look into the night sky counting the countless stars and singing all about myself ( I don’t know singing what . . . I guess humming . . . ) . That naughty moon changing faces every single day aroused my curiosity . Half to crescent , crescent to half to full again and one day suddenly disappearing . That day used to be the most tiring day for Pa as I use to drag him along everywhere on the terrace to find the moon ! Ending of a beautiful day and beginning of the musical night was followed up by granny’s magical stories .a573a4f741292fb7b10eb93e1f8eee49 Loosing self in those magical stories in subconscious state with a fading realization of mom’s gentle tapping hand on the forehead helped me cross the dark night .

Such were those days . . .

Such were those nights . . .  !

TERRY A LITTLE … !

 

Let the words be unspoken …

Let the feelings be unshown …

Let the hidden magic be hidden …

Let the hidden magic happen …

Terry a little !

Leave the ends opened …

Don’t Force,

Let the skies shimmer,

Let the mysteries unfold …

Let the magic be untold,

Terry a little !

AJ