I am thinking something,
Lying little tipsy, about to fall asleep in maximum of two minutes I’m sure, but it’s been 4 minutes that I have been lost in my deep thoughts and now that I see the pattern forming, I woke up to write because it all made so much sense. But strangely when my fingers started typing, I couldn’t think a word and now I think I was half slept. I shouldn’t have waken up.

It feels like I have lost the purpose of my life somewhere. I don’t see any particular reason to live. There is nothing to be hopeful about. It’s like I’m living dead, letting days pass, waiting for death.
I don’t cry. I miss that. I’ve just learnt to bear the pain of the wound that I don’t know if someday will get dressed.
I’ve come so far from people whom I had never realized were my loved ones.
I came here with a lot of dreams. It doesn’t feel good to see all the bubbles burst gradually day by day.

23rd February, 2020

A piece I wrote when I was at my lowest while being back in Bangalore.


WhatsApp Image 2018-06-02 at 10.17.34


You know what, no matter how hard you commit something to yourself, but you do change for the loved ones.


I hated two things.

One – People calling “baby” in relationships.

Two- People calling loved ones “bacha”.

And when I say I hated them, then believe me, I was a die hard hater.

 But now,

Because of someone, I’ve started loving the word baby like anything. It’s like now I crave them to call me that.

Because of my best friend, I’ve started loving the word “bacha”. She use to call me bacha. I use to kind of hate that. And now the scene is, I call her “bacha”.


I don’t believe at myself. It’s a change that was almost impossible to happen. But I guess you do change in love. And by change, I mean change for the good. Don’t you?


Strange. Isn’t it?


This is no poetry, prose. Just a random thought that I shared straight from my one note.

And also, I am finally back after months of inactivity due to cliché busy rat race life schedules.

Hoping to hear from you people.

Do share you thoughts and memories if any. 😀

Agony Of Betrayal (Rhyme)

Poetic translation to- Agony Of Betrayal


A man walks all alone,

With no- one to make a hold;

Frozen as snow,

He takes the path that he goes.

Walking all way on those footpath tiles,

Eventually he covers quite a couple of miles;

He was all by himself in this trend;

May be he had let all his money to lend,

To buy just a couple of friends.

Maybe, finally, he got one…

Someone from that path itself,

Which he’d been walking wholesome…

May be it was the time his fate was about to change…

May be his happiness was about to go off range…

But perhaps life wanted something for an exchange…

Now, was our hero willing to pay?

The new friend began with his colors of evil…

The word evil is more than its revealing’…

Wanna know it?

Ask me, I would say, LIVE is EVIL…

May be the friend was just a disguise and a devil…

He soon turned his back;

Yes, you believe it.

This is the human nature as I take it…

Use ‘n’ throw and you never consider it…

It’s kind a funny,

That he took him to be loyal…

It’s so regretting,

You can’t make a denial…

All I can say is that,

Its ‘Agony Of Betrayal’.

(By a friend- Jason)

I fear my fear. Why is it so?

Why is it so?

When expectations seem to obey and dreams follow the intentions, then an unexpected, an unwelcomed fear develops and takes a corner in the room of happiness.

When someone touches my heart so much so that i get bound to them, then suddenly from somewhere the breeze of separation wipes that smile off.

When heights seem closer, destinations are no more blurred, then the fear of slipping, the fear of falling haunts me.

It feels like a vacuum, with minimal friction and no gravity.

Why is not everything permanent in this universe?

Why isn’t so?

Someone will have to leave one day,

Happy phases will transform someday,

The loneliness, the silence has to retake once again.

Why is it so?

When crowds seem to make me laugh,f94cef5b93f249d6f3baf86ca9b01eb8

When a group of people seem to be a family,

When people are there all around to help me,

To cheer me up;

To console me; to be my hand in solving problems;

To motivate me;

To make me laugh; to be a reason behind my smile;

To keep me occupied;

To make me forget the 24 hours of the day;

To make me love my life;

To make me cherish every moment;

To wipe my tears off;

In essence making me laugh out loud,

And when those people become my habit,

And i get used to them,

When things seem to be sorted out,

Then, why that fear of loosing everything and again being alone runs up my nerves?

Why do I need to teach my pupil every single second to adjust according to the light of life?

Why that fear dries my throat?

Why does that blurs my vision?

Why is it a leach sucking my blood?

Why does that create a hustle in the synced cells of my mind?

I fear those streets of silence!

I fear my fear of losing.34eda8bad40e1dcd2cc9bd7b9ee38ec3

Single-Track Mind


Every single moment, a hidden child in her soul couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward, heading towards the massive waves, notwithstanding, knowing the fact that these violent layers of water may erode him; his everything. But the single tracked cognizance was such, that every single cell was screaming passionately, forcing him back to the restless waters. The gentle tap of the liberate breeze and the silent touch of random waters left him mesmerized with the pearls hidden in the unseen shells resting on the golden sand under the shimmering glare. The casual breeze, the random waters and the rays of the sun all summed up a beam of his single-tracked mind.

2 Wheeler Observation- way back to home


While my two wheeler was waiting for the green color, my eyes started their all time favorite work and began looking the things from a writer’s perspective, gazing the things as the fictional characters of an old era typical fictional story line. The first thing that attracted them was a poor man, shabbily dressed up in rags holding an old linen utility bag and crossing the busy road. Since the road being busy, his sudden run while crossing rescued him of an accident off a speeding bus. Eyes relaxed! Then again, were focused up upon by an ambulance awakening not only my eyes, but also my next sense the ears! The fishy thing was the two ambulances, one followed by the other! However, since the two wheeler was on the wait of the green color, I couldn’t help the curious mind finding the reason behind the two simultaneous ambulances. Finally, as soon as the red left and green arrived, all the 2 wheelers and the four wheelers (majorly) again got into the race as 120 seconds earlier. Those 120 seconds were a little break from an unconscious race of wheels. Next came an old beggar wrapped up in a quilt sitting on the footpath,

india-beggars-home-2010-8-21-7-40-56 with his needy eyes giving a quick glance here and there  as if they were waiting for someone to come and change his life, as if they were in search of a hope someone may come and give him changing his world. However, those two seconds into that beggar’s eyes touched my heart deep inside. Another was a man whom I was trying to make aside by applying the horn, but he being so busy amused me . Busy with his earphones! And why not?!  The music he was listening to would have definitely been more soothing than the noisy horn. It was then when I entered the lean, that I saw a typical cultural folk of Rajasthanrajasthani-folk-dance which gave me a feel of being in the place and urged one of my old desires of visiting the city of kings.

By the time I could come out of the city in my dreams, an amazing aroma of Jalebi and Kachori (typical street food in India) triggered my nose such that I could not resist from having one!1 Those two wheels moving round and round took me to the miles. . . The miles towards my way back to home. The miles towards my way of life. children-flying-kites_20101008083609Flying kites in the clear sky with the setting sun and the evening orange clouds, made me feel heaven!

And last was a new life, that touched my heart few days back. The puppies! Who lived near my house! Their encircling me, on reaching home made feel the essence of the beginning of a new life.   street-puppies

Beautiful was the 15 minutes ride !

Beautiful was that 15 minutes 2 wheeler observation – way back to home .

Sweet Childhood Memories

” Papa , look the moon is smiling today ! “6eb412a2c65e228e3947ee705ce5fc0c

That tenderness of a cute naughty smile slowly gradually turning into a loud beautiful laughter melodious to the ears reminds me of my childhood . When a morning would start with beautiful sun rays and Ma’s gentle soft hand on the face tapping to get up and sit in her lap . Her soft voice telling me to look at the chirping birds and the beautiful morning sky . Those blue hued clouds seemed to take different shapes as that of a teddy , a smiley , a bird and so many imaginary things . She use to get me ready , make me eat delicious food , with every single bite of it slowly melting into the mouth and giving the best taste up to the zenith . It was the time of no worries , time when I was not familiar with the word named Rat Race ( in which everybody was mad running the race for money ) . Every single glance seemed happy , and the whole day was all about running randomly in the house playing , searching for something or the other unknown . Curiosity was such ! Evenings were all about looking at the small birds sitting on the street wires .4515cdcd14b2ac31a0b23636a176092b One hopping up the wire and other the down . As in the chorus state of mind , I expected the latter to hop up again it suddenly flew ! Then Papa’s call use to drew the attention .

” Come pick your ball up , let’s go to the park ! ” .9b7e6a150b21e70301ac2b632638b82b

This was something that use to bring a wide smile to my face with a lot of excitement inside !  The time was such that even the immense struggle to lift up my small leg and hit the ball hard so that it could reach Pa’s feet gave a feeling of an accomplishment . And then last but not least was plucking off the beautiful flowers from the garden to adore the pot in my room . Returning home bidding the orange sun goodbye while he use to go home gave the feeling of departure of a dear one ! Although sometimes at 6 , sometimes at 7 and sometimes at 5 . This always use to be a big confusion !(laughs) .

” Papa why does the sun not go at one fixed time everyday !? Sometimes I miss saying him goodbye ! ”

. Returning home after few hours of playing football gave the feeling of returning from hectic work as Pa use to (laughs) . Dinner kept ready on the table use to make my mouth watery . Again every single bite melting gently into the mouth was the best feeling ever . No rush ! No worries ! No hustle ! No bustle !

Just a cute smile . . . And an innocent laughter it was .  The so called cunning ‘ TIME ‘ used to be a friend of mine !

Neither the days were hectic , nor the nights were sleepless . 85e16941de83aa5f60f5d2ec1cf959e6A brisk walk with mom and dad , both tall enough and me the small one between the two holding the hand of both one time jumping the left leg up following the right leg and the other the vice-versa use to look into the night sky counting the countless stars and singing all about myself ( I don’t know singing what . . . I guess humming . . . ) . That naughty moon changing faces every single day aroused my curiosity . Half to crescent , crescent to half to full again and one day suddenly disappearing . That day used to be the most tiring day for Pa as I use to drag him along everywhere on the terrace to find the moon ! Ending of a beautiful day and beginning of the musical night was followed up by granny’s magical stories .a573a4f741292fb7b10eb93e1f8eee49 Loosing self in those magical stories in subconscious state with a fading realization of mom’s gentle tapping hand on the forehead helped me cross the dark night .

Such were those days . . .

Such were those nights . . .  !